Time for RoboRef

I'm getting abit tired of the whole refereeing nonsesne at the World Cup. Actually most football matches so here is a suggestion.

We need to build a Ref central at Fifa headquaters. It should be ten stories below ground and only accessable to PE teachers and bank managers - the Refereeing Special Forces.

It needs to bluetoothed an Wi-Fi'ed up to every football match on the panet. ESA should launch special Joga Robotica Satellites postioned around the world with themal imagers, radar phtography and real time cameras. They should be able to zoom in on any ball being kicked around the planet.

The results to be played live into a Referee command centre where every game being played can be displayed accross the spectrum and anlysed. REferees will be plugged into the WHISTLE mainfraim like the highly trained operatives only known to exist in the Pentagon and episodes of 24.

Each ref will be biological altered to be able to display statistics and replays directly into the brain and therefore avoid confusion or mistaken decisions. They will accelerated hearing and quicke reflexes to be able to bring justice to the football fields. Shock referess will be deployed to sunday league games if the standard of referee is below par to restore balance to the black and white.

Of course there will always be a fourth directive should the Refs revolt and start making proper decisions on their own. If I told you I'd have to kill you....

Up a Poll

This survey was published in the Gaurdian. Apparently muslims are spending lots of time hating the west. Specially british muslims, really hating "The west.

We are actually really jealous. No seriously, we are just bursting with more green than flubber factory. There's so much to be jealous about.

Only in the west can you have the freedom, the democarcy, the cultural advancement to create phenomenons of beauty and poise such as Sam Fox. The icon of love and grace that the Bollywood industry took to their hearts. Only in countries where art is greatly appreciated can you have such explosions of colour as Chrisitna Aguilera. The pint size pop princess with the floral hair is an aphrodite for our times.

If only muslim youths could pose with such pretentious elegance as Chirtiano Ronaldo while the rest of his football team leave him unruffled by passing the ball away from him so he can demonstrate his Picaso like brilliance.

We try you know? We do. We tried to build Las Vegas but without the tits and gambling. We called it Dubai. So far its not working.

We even tried to wear leather jackets and expose our chest hair like the great Hasslehof, to no avail.

You can't blame us for hating the west if you make it so hard to attain perfection.

Standards Are Slipping

What happened to good old Britannia.

It's all gone to the pure bred grey hounds I'm telling you guys.

There was a time when Her Majesy's Constabulary of Plods could be relied on to deal with the immentnet threat of Pakistan flag waving darkies appropriately. It would be a quick round up, a feel of the little constable, a bish , a bosh and on yer way to your nefariously ethnic lifestyle young fellow me-lad.

In the hallowed days of the Blue Witch Lord LackBeard Thatcher, the Police would alway be keen to ignore any cries for help for brown people, they would diligently ignore any illegal goings on of the immigration kind and, in true honour to HRH herself, continue to trouser lots of notes of large denomination with her head on it while doing all of the above.

The rot really set in when they went all Blairite on us, with Community initiatives and recruiting brown police men amongst other dark and evil recommendations thrust upon them by the flip-flop wearers of Islington.

I thought they'd returned to their Miner bashing, Irishman abusing pomp when they drilled MR Jean Charles De Menzes for the crime of not wearing a suicide belt and threatening to read his Metro in plain sight of white people. Having made up for all those years of laying off black people by pumping 5 or more rounds into him, normal service looked to have been resumed.


But I was to be dispointed by the boys in blue flack jackets.

It all started off really well. They were in there CSI/SWAT stylee with the heavy duty Nazi helmets and the shiny MP5 machine guns. To top it all the had the BIG EFFING Battering ram. They hived off a family for twelve hour to ask really meaningful questions like "Do you eat curry?"

Then the piece de resistance, they smashed their way into a darkie house and hit pay dirt. Lots of dodgy dudes with bad Beards, bingo, out came the guns and bang.

But alas! What is this, our highly trained officers missed the dude. Well they got him in the shoulder. Amatuers I tell you. Honestly, no 10 bullet bursts leading to multiple hits, no, one shot in the shoulder.

The boys in blue have dissapointed us for sure - I blame the polenta and IKEA for this evil.

Sorry Guys Life Intervened

I would like to appologize to you guys. If anyone is actually out there, yes even you viagra selling spam bot not that I would ever need such services. Liek the title says life intervened. I moved , again, I had some serous tuff happen and life has slowed down.

Now that all that has passed I hope to return to the fray and humourously chat to myself with absolute abandon although I'm still not buying Madamme spambot.....