Sex And The Single Beard

Now you see I used to think that the whole problem with finding a girl that would tickle my fuzz was a clear case of misunderstanding. I used to while away my teenage years while tickling my own fuzz thinking about the perfect Sharon Stone-esque amazon would be applyting the approriate level of tickle after a deep undertstanding of my soul, my motivations and my heart's desire. Let's face it despite the intellectual framing the hearts desire pretty much came down to Sharon sans her coulots.

As the years grew long, and the beard arose from my chin like the fresh sprouting of barley for some hero to stroke in a Ridley Scott film. I began to view the eventual tickling of said fuzz as the wholly spiritual union that would bring me closer to the ultimate truth of life and the universe and only a woman of purity would be able to do it.

Ofcourse, now I realise it's cos I am too damn ugly to get a shag.

We do have an appaling image as a bunch of frigid anti-sex mullahs in the old Sun newspaper doesn't reelly help. According to the new orthodoxy the muslim male would prolly explode in a white froth if touched by anything lithe and humanly female. There are supposed to be areas of Saudi where blunt instruments would be applied to the nether regions if venturing anywhere near the female half of humanity.

I won't be uncharitable and go on about the various South Asian stories about Emratis and their prediliction for nubile boys. Some say that in oil rich regions Michael Jackson is truly King.

Moving switfly on before the impending Fatwa from Yusuf Qardawi on Al-Jazeera.

I have a point for all those western swinging , free loving, drug smoking, liberal media - muslims not having sex in a rampant manner is historically inacurate. When it comes to humping , Muslims make camels look like beginners.

Example - SPAIN. Before the muslim armies got over there the Visigoths ruled the place and were blonde haired and blue eyed. After 800 years - nada.

Wonder how that happened? Wall to wall shariahtastic rumpy pumpy - thats how. They built the Alhambra , did poetry and each other by the looks of it.

So get off the old sterotype folks.

Anyway - this doesn't help the beard getting the fuzz tickled.

Now being male, muslim or otherwise , the self tickling thing has got boring. So now I'm on a quest to get it down.

As a result I have rejected the former fold of the full beard and downgraded to a goatie for medium level sinning. Now i know my former full bearded gents would disagree with my choice and I can see their moral and legal point of view. No doubt there are some huge bellows that are stoking large coals for the lower fuzz.......

But dudes, I neeeds the fuzz to be tickled and thats an urge I can no longer fight......